Watching your baby cry as you leave the room can tug at your heart like nothing else. Whether it’s daycare drop-off, bedtime, or simply stepping away for a moment, separation anxiety is a common part of your baby’s emotional development. While it can be challenging, it’s also a positive sign that your baby is forming strong, healthy attachments.
In this post, we’ll explain what separation anxiety is, why it happens, and how you can help your little one (and yourself!) navigate it with more confidence and calm.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is the fear or distress babies and toddlers feel when they’re separated from their primary caregivers, usually a parent. It often starts between 6 and 8 months, peaks around 10 to 18 months, and typically eases by age 2 to 3 years.
This phase happens because your baby is developing object permanence—the understanding that people and things exist even when they can’t see them. Once they realize you exist even when you’re not in view, they can also start to worry that you might not come back.
Signs of Separation Anxiety
Your baby may be experiencing separation anxiety if they:
Cry or cling when you try to leave the room
Show distress when meeting unfamiliar people (stranger anxiety)
Wake more frequently at night seeking comfort
Resist being left with other caregivers, even familiar ones
Seem unusually clingy, especially during transitions
These behaviors can be tough, but they are completely normal and temporary.
How to Help Your Baby Through Separation Anxiety
Here are some strategies to support your baby through this emotional stage while building their confidence and sense of security.
Practice Short Separations
Start with brief separations to help your baby get used to you being gone—and returning. Step into another room, then come back with a smile. These little moments build trust.
Create Goodbye Rituals
Simple rituals like a hug, kiss, or a special phrase (“See you soon, my moon!”) give your baby a sense of comfort and predictability.
Stay Calm and Positive
Your baby will pick up on your emotions. A confident, calm goodbye reassures them that everything is okay—even if they’re upset in the moment.
Avoid Sneaking Away
Though it may seem easier to slip out unnoticed, this can increase anxiety and erode trust. Always say goodbye before leaving.
Stick to a Routine
Babies thrive on consistency. Keeping a predictable schedule for naps, meals, and goodbyes helps reduce anxiety.
Offer a Comfort Object
A favorite blanket, stuffed animal, or piece of your clothing can help provide comfort in your absence.
Encourage Independent Play
Give your baby time to explore and play independently while you’re nearby. This builds their confidence and sense of autonomy.
Reinforce Returns
Always return when you say you will, and greet your baby warmly. Over time, they’ll learn that separations are temporary and reunions are guaranteed.
When to Seek Extra Help
Separation anxiety is normal, but if it persists beyond age 3 or severely interferes with your child’s daily life (e.g., eating, sleeping, socializing), talk to your pediatrician. In rare cases, it could be part of a more serious anxiety disorder.
FAQs About Separation Anxiety in Babies
When does separation anxiety usually start?
Separation anxiety commonly begins between 6 and 8 months of age, when babies develop object permanence.
How long does separation anxiety last?
It varies but often peaks between 10 and 18 months and gradually improves by 2 to 3 years of age.
Is it okay to let my baby cry during separation?
Yes, brief periods of crying are normal. Stay calm, offer reassurance, and stick to a goodbye routine. Most babies settle shortly after the parent leaves.
Can separation anxiety happen at night?
Yes! Babies may wake up looking for you and have trouble going back to sleep without reassurance. A consistent bedtime routine and gentle sleep training can help.
What should I do if my baby refuses to be with anyone else?
Gradually increase their time with trusted caregivers while you remain nearby. With time, your baby will become more comfortable in others’ care.
Should I avoid leaving my baby during this phase?
No. Avoiding separations can make anxiety worse. Instead, practice short, predictable separations and build trust through consistent returns.
Can daycare make separation anxiety worse?
While the transition can be tough initially, most babies adjust quickly with support. Good caregivers can help ease your baby’s worries and establish new bonds.
How can I prepare my baby for a new caregiver?
Spend time with the caregiver and your baby together before leaving them alone. Gradually increase the time your baby spends with them to build comfort and trust.
—
Separation anxiety may be a challenging phase, but it’s also a powerful sign of your baby’s growing awareness and attachment. With time, patience, and plenty of love, your little one will learn that even when you go, you always come back—and that’s a lesson that lasts a lifetime.
